Hi y'all,Got to thinking about that roll your eyes article I mentioned in a post a few weeks back. It was the Blue Rinse Bodice Rippers one about about romance authors. (Here's the link to my post if you feel like being insulted all over again.) Specifically, I was recalling the cartoon that went with the article. It portrayed us all as er, older ladies, sporting tightly permed hair, heavy-handed eye makeup and badly drawn eyebrows, sipping cocktails while we envision steamy scene to write about.
I found it rather amusing that although the article's title alluded to the "blue rinse" brigade, the cartoon lady had pink hair. OMG, epic fail. LOL. Besides, if she was to have pink hair, it'd be more likely to look something like this:
Anyway, I'm not gonna head into a rant about the article again. I'm only bringing this up because I've been thinking that perhaps the writer of that article missed the perfect opportunity chance to really nail that caricature-style picture, and portray the Ultimate Romance Author in all her glory.
For example, most romance writers I know tend to eschew lacy robes and flowing dresses and control-top pantyhose for the comfort of yoga pants and sweatshirts. Or even, pjs and a dressing gown. And let's not forget the novelty slippers:
I tried to find a pic of bunny-slippers with fangs but alas....
Oh, and they totally missed the glasses. As any romance author who's spent years staring at the computer screen is aware, squinting is not attractive. Glasses are the must-have fashion accessory for any romance author who wants to be taken seriously... not to mention, actually see what she's writing. So I'm disappointed they didn't have their pink-haired, cocktail-swilling cartoon lady wearing a stylie pair of pointy framed ones with fake diamonds, kinda like these:
Shhh. Don't tell anyone, but I quite like these ones ;-) Not that I wear glasses but.... Way kewl!
The other thing they forgot to portray was the stash of chocolate we authors would have on our desks. Yanno, to put a lining on our stomachs so we don't get indigestion from the buckets of tea and coffee we drink before that magical cocktail hour strikes. Of course, the chocolate is also for when we're short on inspiration. Or want to celebrate a milestone in our writing careers, like achieving our daily word-count goal. Or to console ourselves when we haven't achieved our daily word-count goal. Or just for the hell of it because we feel like eating chocolate. Nom nom nom.
And they totally missed the loads of photos of half-naked guy-candy that would be dotted around the author's work space -- again, purely for inspirational purposes. *fans herself wildly and tries not to hyperventilate*
Also, did you notice that they had some fluffy little doglet in that cartoon? Huh. What a stereotype that was. I know a couple romance authors who have pet snakes as their faithful companions.
So that's my take on the Ultimate Romance Author. I can see her now: hooking that annoying strand of pink hair behind her ear and nibbling on the end of her designer framed glasses as she searches for a synonym for that overused word. Dressed in her yoga pants and baggy sweatshirt, fanged bunny slippers tapping in time to whatever's playing on the iPod. Reaching for the chocolate and realizing that, dammit! the whole bar has gone and she didn't even remember eating it. Stroking that snake draped around her neck -- it's a really good neck-warmer, yanno? -- as she shuffles downstairs to get another coffee, images of Sam Bond's manly chest warring with Mr. July from the New Zealand Firefighters calendar.
So, please enlighten me, oh super-clever and witty and inspirational Wild Readers. What's your take on the Ultimate Romance Author?
:-)
Maree
(Who, BTW does not wear glasses for reading but thinks she might have to sometime soon, is owned by a cat not a snake, and would loooove to own a pair of bunny slippers with fangs *g*)
6 comments:
I like the glasses too. I wear contacts, but the glasses I chose for backup... they were horn rimmed. It goes with my sexy pin up look when I do my hair and makeup.
I'd totally wear the flowing dresses. If they had little skulls on them. ;)
And as for the whole older lady thing, I'm only 33. They can smurf that in smurfhole. But even if I was 60, I plan on being young at heart forever.
What a great post, Maree. You never fail to make me smile.
I am 31 but I have an old soul. Check on the glasses and yoga pants. I prefer barefoot to slippers though.
If you find bunny slippers with fangs please post a link cause I so want some! I'll put it on my wish list with the hippo from NCIS.
When I think of Romance Writers I always picture Dakota Cassidy - have you seen her facebook pictures? On her personal profile.
Reading your ages... I feel so old. You're just babies! ;-)
Saranna -- skull dresses.... OMG yes. A thousand times yes! I could totes see you wearing one and rocking it.
Jenn -- I prefer uggs. With woolly sox. Coz, see? I get reeeeally cold feet. And honestly? The yoga pants do happen if I go to the gym. Or it's pjs. Like now, actually *g*
Michelle -- you got it, sweetie! We'll be fanged bunnies together *g*. And OMG, Dakota is hilarious! The photo with the ciggie hanging out of her mouth and a tiara. Total magic. I heart her!
Like Jenn, I prefer writing barefoot (but never pregnant.) As far as age, I'm old enough to know my way around a man's body (four kids to offer up as proof).
Mom wear is the rule of the day, and I much prefer writing in pajamas! But, if I need to lay on a quick dose of sexy, I have my (feather) boa and know how to use it. Because face it, at this age (forty is so behind me) excavating for my thong at the end of an eight hour writing day is a venture best not tried at home.
Don't do the glasses, but probably should or I'm going to need botox LOL!
On smoking...my word count has never been the same since I quit eight years ago. Ohhhh, I still miss it......until I SMELL someone who has been smoking....
LOVE this post, Maree. It's up there with the best of the best at WGW.
Liane -- Forty.... I wish! But you're only as young as the man you feel. And mine's younger'n me ;-)
I have a drawer full of sexy lingerie he's bought me. But like you, I'm no longer a fan. Would be so not attractive to have to have my thong surgically removed from by butt-crack after sitting at the computer for hours on end. Sorry, DH. It's boy-leg knickers for moi when I'm working.
I gotta admit, I love the smell of cigars.... until they're lit. Then I just want them to go away. I seem to remember tipping a beer over my starter husband's head when he kept blowing cigar smoke into my face at a party. Gee. No guesses why he turned out to be the "starter husband" *g*
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