Love Lessons 101

Love Lessons 101 By Logan Belle

Last week, our world changed. I think you all know what I'm talking about: ABC cancelled All My Children and One Life To Live, effectively sounding the death knell for soap operas (excuse me -- daytime dramas). This leaves me to wonder: who is going to teach our children about love and relationships? That's where we romance novelists come in. Yes, our job has morphed overnight from pure entertainment to social responsibility. I, for one, am already thinking about the lessons we must impart:

1. The hottest guys are hospital doctors.

General Hospital circa 1980s. Rick Springfield, anyone?

2. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.

Brooke Logan embraced this with gusto on The Bold and the Beautiful. Whenever she couldn’t be with her true love, Ridge Forrester, she settled for his lame younger brother, Thorne – despite the fact that he is the only one in the entire family with a Southern accent.

3. Coming Back from the dead can make you, well, wish you were dead.

This is a big one. Exhibit A: When Luke was presumed dead on General Hospital (the first time – let’s say it was 1984) and his wife Holly Sutton married his best friend Robert Scorpio. Luke showed up at his bff’s door and got a big surprise. Another case in point: Taylor Forrester was presumed dead but was, in fact, kidnapped by a Saudi Prince (the details are murky but trust me on this one). She returned to her beloved Ridge only to find him married to arch enemy Brooke and father of a new son. Grr.

4. Getting impregnated by your daughter’s husband will strain your relationship. When Brooke Logan slept with her daughter Bridget’s husband, Deacon, it was quite the scandal (though, with Brooke’s history, frankly not surprising) Bridget grew up with quite a chip on her shoulder, and was so traumatized that instead of doing the reasonable thing and going into the family fashion dynasty, became a doctor! All that schooling and misery worrying about insurance red tape. The girl was clearly scarred for life.

5. If you are a redhead, you will always look best rocking a green turtleneck sweater.

I learned this from Julian Moore as Fran on As the World Turns.

6. If both of your sons and your husband are all in love with the same woman, you might as well just stop trying to look hot.

Stephanie Forrester exemplified this lesson when Brooke Forrester stole her husband and then proceeded to sleep with both of her sons. She stopped coloring her hair blond, cut it short as a boy, and dropped all accessories in favor of monochrome jacket ensembles. And she still kicks a**.

7. When your evil twin shows up on your doorstep, just accept the fact that your whole world will got to sh*t and there is nothing you can do about it.

There are so many obvious examples of this I feel no need to elaborate.

I’m sure, in the coming weeks, as this deep loss begins to take its psychic toll, I will think of more wisdom to share. In the meantime, we still have the Kardashians.