"Who wrote this (insert expletive)?" my oh-so-alpha hubby shouts from the man cave.
Hmmm. Seems my darling boy toy has swiped one of my romance novels again, mistaking it (cough, cough) for an action thriller. Because, you know, the shirtless, tattooed gun toting studmuffin on the book's cover isn't enough of a giveaway. But then, that's a SEAL for ya. Show the man a weapon, and the rest of the world fades away. Unless, of course, there are boobs involved. But how to bring a SEAL to his knees is the stuff of another post.
"She just called a rifle a gun. Any idiot knows...."
*Sigh.* "If you don't like it, don't read it."
"Just tell me this. Who buys this shit?"
Shrug. "All those clearly misguided souls who put that very book on the best seller list."
Insert your one each alpha male throaty growl.
Boy toy and I have had this discussion before. I've tried to explain that romances are written to appeal to women. Granted, accuracy is a wonderful thing, and something every good author should strive for, but unless a woman has spent enormous amounts of time embedded (as in married) with the real deal, she's not likely to know a SEAL seldom refers to his gun as such, but rather a calls it his weapon. "Dear, I doubt the hero's gun is the weapon readers are interested in."
DH emerges from the bathroom...um, man cave...waving the book in question. "I'm reading this. I care. The hero is talking ops with a chick he just laid. Which would never happen."
Ahem. A-FUCKING-hem. "You did," I say, resisting the urge to buff my nails on my shirt.
"That was different. I married you."
I raise my chin in a style worthy of the most kick ass heroine. "So the last twenty years were about protecting the interests of national security? And here I thought you loved me for the banana stuffed french toast I made for you the morning after the tequila fest from hell." Translation, somebody is so not getting any tonight.
"I didn't mean it like that. But if these women want to write SEALs, they ought to do their homework, take a class or something."
"SEAL-ology 101?"
"Well...yeah. Only without the classified shit."
"Sorry, honey, doesn't exist."
"Fine, let's write one...."
And the rest, as they say, is history. For the sake of family peace, I'm forcing DH to educate us poor, misguided romance novelists. Do you have any burning questions about Navy SEALs or other SPECOPS warriors? How about secret service protection details?
Ever wonder what happens to a SEAL after retirement?
Want to know what's REALLY under the Donald's comb over?
Share your questions here, and we'll address them in my five part "Confessions of a Frog Hog" series.
The only caveat is, don't ask DH to reveal mission specifics. It will never happen...unless you ply him with copious amounts of cleavage and tequila, because every romance author and reader knows a SEAL is still, after all, a red blooded, All American man. :)
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15 comments:
That is SO cute. Gah, sorry, that's probably not what SEALs want to hear but it's true.
How long is the average career of a Navy SEAL? Seems like it's be short due to injury/stress/etc.
Is there a "standard" job that you get offered after that? Like being a trainer or teacher for new SEALs or doing deskword, etc.
ROFLMAO!!!! Oh sweet Lord this is too good. Man, talk about high maintenance. This one is for the frog hog herself, is it worth the effort?
I LOVE it! I'm so impressed your guy picked up a book, let alone suggested he'd help you write one. Mine refuses to read anything I write, though, he's quite happy with the extra paycheck, lol!!
OMG, I just snorted coffee out my nose. I'm laughing too hard to think of any questions, but thanks for brightening my morning.
OMG, I'm totally kidnapping you and taking you away to some secluded island so I can pick your brain clean. And so your DH can come rescue us both in true SEAL style.
This is a great post! And right up my alley, since SEALs are my writing's bread and buttah :)
Jeez, I'm trying to think if I've ever used gun instead of weapon in a book. *cringe* I must have at some point, but I promise you I've never called a rifle a gun unless it's in the heroine's POV and she doesn't know any better. Please tell your DH that I try very hard to do my homework and have read stacks upon stacks of Spec Ops non-fiction books. I make a giant effort to get it right, but you're bang on when you say you've got a leg up on the rest of us from living with a SEAL.
You seriously want a list of questions? Good God, where do I even start? (This is seriously like a dream come true!)
Okay, for starters I want to know what got your man through BUD/s and the rest of the training. And I want to know what they do to make the transition when they come home (ie change from commando to husband/father once they hit the homefront). On the whole, what are their attitudes like away from the base/battlefield? I would imagine they're pretty um...confident guys. (*cough*arrogant*cough*)
That's a good start for me. Rest assured I'll have more questions later on :) This is great, Liane! Thanks.
Wait--I meant I want to know HOW your man got through all his training. What tricks he used. I think what he actually got out of it is pretty self explanatory :)
Oh, honey. This was so cute.
And we all know SEALs never really retire. They just smell that way if they don't have a good woman like you to keep them fed and groomed. *wink*
I want to know about the secret service guys. Because that one I saw in Washington was sin in a uniform. And that wink he gave me when he saw me eye-loving him, dear lord, I might have broken something. *Le Sigh* He obviously liked his prey to be of Amazon proportions.
His weapon was really big. See, your DH should be proud of me. I said weapon. *wink*
And you know what? You guys should write that together. The Romance Writer's Guide to Navy SEALs. His knowledge, your wonderful fun voice... it would be awesome.
OMG, this was classic, Liane. Sooo funny. I'm with Saranna -- you guys need to write a manual!
My DH is ex Royal NZ Airforce. So you can imagine how bloody irritating watching a movie with any flying in it can be. And as for any movie featuring helicopters... *shakes head in despair* I have to keep reminding him it IS fiction, after all, LOL.
Thanks to all of you for your comments and questions!! Be sure to tune back in two weeks from today to find out how DH responds to each of your questions!
Two more:
-did your DH read Lone Survivor, and if so, what did he think of it?
-does he carry a sense of hypervigilance when he comes home from overseas?
Kaylea.....duly noted. Got em on da list!
That is the funniest thing I have read in a long while!
Thank you so much for the laugh today, Liane. I needed it!
Thanks or the sweet post, Writer Girl. Hope the rest of the series keeps you giggling!
Hmm.. I'm truly curious beyond... well curious! But exactly what kind of food do the SEALs seem to prefer? I recall watching a show on which the choice of meat that would be fed to Marines were criticized.. It's been eating away at me! Do they prefer the timed to the decimals smoked salmon and entreat for dessert or the grilled steak?
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